Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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