I feel like I'm in dance class right now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
