I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
