well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
