the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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