That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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