a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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