Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
