You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
