You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
