I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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