Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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