I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
