I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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