You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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