i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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