i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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