Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize