You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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