i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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