i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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