Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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