What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
