Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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