my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
