he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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