when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
