Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
