Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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