Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
