Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
