I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There r osticjed everywhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
