I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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