You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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