my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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