Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
