i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
