Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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