It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
