It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
