I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
