Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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