The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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