She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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