Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
