someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's shark week go big or go home
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
