Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
