I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize