i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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