Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
