operation harelip BJ is a go
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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