a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
