the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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