Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
