i need an iv and a liver transplant
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
