He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
