Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
