Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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