I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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