Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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