things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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