i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
