i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
