After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
