I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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