Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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