dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
