she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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