I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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