I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
