Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
