He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
