i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
