is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
