sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
