How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
